I am dunking a basketball by New Years.
I am a white, 5’7, 155 lb young man with an 18-inch vertical.
Not the best genetic leg-up for dunking. Not only that, I am a BJJ athlete who is a fight technique nerd interested in engineering, history, exercise science and nutrition.
So why am I dunking?
The BOYS said I couldn’t. One of the homies mentioned that being able to alley-oop would be in the top ten of things he wishes he could do. The conversation eventually led to this exchange:
“Unfortunately I think since none of us can dunk now we’ll never be able to.”
“(redacted) probably thinking ‘I could dunk if I trained for 3 months’”.
YOU ARE DAMN STRAIGHT I THINK I CAN!
“Absolutely. Fuckin losers.”
YOU THINK WE CAN’T DUNK? YOU THINK ITS ALL OVER BRO? NO FUCKING SHOT! I AM DUNKING THAT MF BASKETBALL.
So as you can see, I basically had no choice but to train to be able to dunk.
The Stipulations:
-By New Years, I have to dunk
-Dunk? They pay up $200.
-No Dunk? I dye my hair white in a salon.
-My dunk must be smashing that ball through the hoop, none of that let it roll nonsense.
“But M?! HOW EVER are you going to dunk? My stars and garters you don’t even play basketball?!?!?!?!”
CORRECT. Combat sports are so much cooler. But being able to dunk is pretty sick and I have to shut up the Bois and take their money. So here I am. Thankfully, I have a partner in this account (I am M., Mr. Martial Arts, and there’s C., the certified personal trainer). Funnily enough, C. is betting AGAINST me in this endeavor (he is one of the bois) but has decided to help me anyway as he said it would be worth the $200 to see me dunk.
Like mad scientists, C. and I are combining our knowledge of training, nutrition, supplementation, esoteric health and recovery to make me into the perfect JUMPING MACHINE.
Will I still be training jiu-jitsu while being Like Mike?
What in the FUCK are you THINKING???
C. has crafted me a beautiful program built around my current lifting numbers, vertical, and BJJ training schedule so that my hops will be increasing expeditiously. My traditional and esoteric recovery methods/supplementation are unmatched (jk Grimhood and Sol Brah got me beat there but I’m coming for them).
I am going to be the ultimate HYBRID ATHLETE! @Swag_Hercules I AM COMING FOR THAT TITLE!
I AM TAKING EVERYTHING YOU WORKED FOR (lying again he actually gave me some great insight towards this goal, thank you ser).
By January, I will be informing you all of the results of my endeavors (while keeping the content churning), and providing the program crafted for sale. If you yourself are a smol white boy like me and have aspirations to DUNK, YOU CAN TOO!
If not, maybe it will be provided free for Substack subscribers.
Who the fuck am I kidding, that won’t even be an option. I’M DUNKING!
This is part one of my journey to the DUNK! Though this article is titled Be Like Mike, Get Spudd’s Blood is a more apt name as he is also 5’7 (sometimes 5’6) and won the NBA Slam Dunk contest.
He’s just like me FR. Start calling me Spud instead of M, because I am HOPPING to that hoop, and NOBODY is gonna stop me. YOUR DOUBT FUELS ME!
